Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize