I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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