regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
