so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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