): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
