It's like a parade of train wrecks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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