alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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