ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize