you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
