dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
