somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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