My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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