I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Boobs speak an international language.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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