He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
