this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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