I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
