so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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