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and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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