I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
