Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
