yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This baby is an asshole
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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