The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
