how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Randomize
