i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
