Jerry, you need to find god
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
