Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
