all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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