We're facebook friends in real life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize