I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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