i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
