i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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