Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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