Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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