last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
nutella sex= disaster
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
