Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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