Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
