Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
