Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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