That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
