it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
