just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
