Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
