Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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