I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
