Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize