I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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