Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize