this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
