I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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