Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize