i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
