I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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