I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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