he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
