Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
