what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
