I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize