Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
