Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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