super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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