Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
