Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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