if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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