Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
