It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
