I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
