I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
