Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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