Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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