I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
