My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
