I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
