just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Two words: blizzard sex
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
