guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
