but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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