I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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