Will you blow on my dice?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
