I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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