onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
