Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
