I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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