I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im six kinds of drunk right now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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