My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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