you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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