i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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