does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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