i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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