The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
