Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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