"it" just moved
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
