Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
