if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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