I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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