I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
