Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
