I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
