i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
