this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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