THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
