Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize