Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
