remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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