Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
