my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I still have a little drunk in my system
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize