Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
that may or may not have been my penis.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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