I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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