If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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