You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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