Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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