He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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