no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
