did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
