I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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